How to Change A Life
by accioamber
Summary: exploring more in depth what could have happened in "What's it like to be a ghost?" Craig is addicted to cocaine Spoilers, please read AN and disclaimer.


Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi: TNG or any of the characters. I also have noticed that someone recently posted a retelling of this episode in their own words: I promise I didn't steal anything from their story. It's all my original words and thoughts, just coincidence that I was watching this episode, wrote this story, and browsed the Degrassi boards and saw that was there. Just to clear things up :)

A/N: This is going to be my take on what happens with Craig and rehab and stuff like that from the episode What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost? Goes after that episode. Thanks for reading =] Please review.

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He hated that he did this, and he hated what he had become. That much he did know. He'd become that big rock star that he had dreamed of becoming, and unfortunately it came with a price for him, a stereotypical price. "I did this to myself." He muttered under his breath as he stared into the mirror at his face, the face of a person he didn't know anymore.

He was waiting for his gig with Taking Back Sunday to start, and he'd been giving that talk he'd had with Ellie serious thought. He'd held back on taking a hit before he went on, and normally he'd have been pretty coked out by that point. But then Ellie had burst through the door, and stressed him out with their mini-make out session, and she was crying, and...so much. He was stressed. He loved Ellie, and wanted to be with her, but he knew that he couldn't while feeding his dangerous addiction. So he took a hit...or two...or three. And got on stage.

As he played, the euphoria he always experienced when he was high and playing took over. It was amazing, and he was playing the best he'd played in a while, and then he felt the warm flow of blood down his face from his nose. Go away, his brain screamed, willing the blood to staunch its own flow and disappear. But it kept going.

He stopped playing and wiped his nose, looking out at the crowd of people who were staring at him with disgust and revulsion. Ellie was crying, breathing faster, unable to believe that Craig was up there with a horrible nosebleed, and she turned and hid her face. The voices and chatter faded, until all he noticed was Ellie facing the other way and he didn't know what was going on. His heart was beating faster and faster, and his hands were shaking. He closed his eyes and ripped his guitar over his head and ran off the stage.

A half hour later, he was slumped over on the dressing room table, a tiny spot of blood still dried and on his face as he stared off into space. Ellie walked in shortly after that, her shaking hand holding out a cell phone as she wiped a few last tears off of her face.

"Joey." She said quietly, handing the cell to Craig. He took it with an also shaking hand before glaring up at her.

"You told him?" he hissed at her, holding his hand over the phone. "Why couldn't you just let it go, Ellie?"

She shook her head. "I can't, because if something happens to you, Craig, it's on my conscience." She turned to leave. "I'll be in the hallway when you're done so you can give me back my phone."

Craig sighed and put the phone up to his ear. He took a deep breath and put on his 'everything is fine and great' hat before answering. "Hey, Joey. What's up? How's Calgary and Ang?"

"Craig Manning, do you have any idea what you're doing? Cocaine? COCAINE, CRAIG?" Joey's voice roared through the phone. He could barely get out any words at all, he was so angry. "This is going to stop now. There's just no if's, and's or but's about it. You're getting on a plane to Calgary tomorrow, at the absolute latest, where I can keep an eye on you. Do you hear me?"

Craig groaned. "Are you even going to give me a chance to explain, Joey? I mean you're just jumping to stupid conclusions and acting like an asshole!"

"You might get a chance to explain when you get here, as long as I don't wring your neck first!" Joey said. Then, in a defeated tone, he said, "I just don't get it, Craig. I just...want to understand what goes through your brain. I'll call you later and let you know what time to be at the airport tomorrow. And you _will_ be there. Bye." Joey hung up the phone.

Craig stared at the phone in his hands, and realized that, for the moment, his dreams of being a musician, a singer, and letting his talent come through, were over. Because of his stupid mistakes. But it was easier to be mad at Ellie, who didn't have to tell Joey, or anyone. He stomped into the hallway and threw her phone at her.

"Thanks a lot, Ellie! You just ruined my life! My career is over, thanks to you!" He was breathing heavily.

"No, it isn't! None of this is my fault!" She said, starting to cry again, angry tears this time. "You made your own decisions, Craig. Not me. You don't have any idea about the situation you put me in. I couldn't let you ruin your life or kill yourself, not when I could do something about it." She shoved her phone in her pocket and looked up at him.

"What if you were the one who had found out that I was cutting myself? Would you have been able to keep that a secret, knowing that every second I was alone, I would probably be hurting myself? I know you couldn't have, Craig, because you're a good person. And good people don't let their friends continue with self destructive behaviors...not when they can give it a fair shot at stopping it." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Please understand that." She turned and walked away.

Craig stared at her as she walked down the hallway, away from him and probably out of his life forever. Then he rummaged around in his pocket and looked at the last of the white powder. Should he do it...or should he take his first step toward sobriety again? He closed his eyes and prayed and hoped that he would have the strength to leave this life behind...if that was what he really wanted. Because he wasn't so sure.

A/N: So, what do you guys think? R&R. This isn't the only chapter, I'll be doing some more on Craig and Joey, rehab etc.


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